BusterStronghart@Gmail.com

Dear Son,,

You can’t engage May in argument. She is too rigid to see any other side but her own and so it’s a waste of time and energy to try.

All that you can do is point out the benefits that will make Carli's life better. Every child needs their father. Keeping you away from Carli hurts Carli as much as it hurts you. May’s motivation is to hurt you even though she must know that Carli gets bruised at the same time. Doesn’t she care? My guess is that right now she doesn’t care. She is striking out at you because she is hurt. She hasn’t yet been able to disentangle herself from you. She can’t be objective. She is angry. Perhaps she has always been angry. I don’t know—I’m not a psychologist.

The important thing is to fulfill Carli's needs to the greatest extent possible. That is only possible with two cooperating parents. Carli needs the unconditional love that I am sure May gives to her. And Carli needs that unconditional love that you give to her. Carli needs both of you.

My friend “Tiger” had a “cooperating” divorce. Neither parent ever ‘bad-mouthed” the other. They each behaved politely to each other. The children were told only that their parents had the utmost respect for each other. And most important, neither parent was ever disrespected in front of the children. Although any divorce is always a tragedy for the children, in this one damage to the children was kept to the minimum.

On the other hand, another friend, Keith, and his wife were constantly at each other’s throats. The children were kept in a constant state of anxiety and stress. Almost immediately little Peter developed asthma, and the older girl – I can’t think of her name right now, became promiscuous and hugely fat. One of her boyfriends was a black drug dealer with a snake tattooed on his arm. Gross bailed him out once or twice.

I don’t know how things turned out for his daughter and son because I lost touch with Keith, but I can’t imagine that they turned out well. Furthermore, Keith’s wife never got her life on track. Instead of moving on to a new life her bitterness tied her irrevocably to her conception of what a bastard she thought Keith had been. I do not speak for Keith – he may not have been the perfect husband, perhaps a divorce was right for the marriage – but even after the divorce his wife never actually escaped the marriage -- and the children suffered.

I don’t know whether you remember the ex-wife of Harry Sternberg. Remember her? Her arms bent by the weight of too many gold bracelets. Constantly smoking, her face full of lines, her eyebrows always furrowed because all she could think of was hate. She couldn’t let go. She had more money that she could spend in a lifetime, but gave all her energy to hating Harry and she made everyone around her miserable. She died rich, skinny and very, very unhappy. She could have had a new life, she could have re-married, or lived with someone—but she wouldn’t let go of her hatred for Harry. Ironically her children buried her next to Harry and his mistress! I think they resented the miserableness, the hatred, which she forced on everyone around her. So they finally got even by burying her next to the woman who made her husband happy for the last years of his life.


One of the wisest things that Ruben ever said to me was that “no one can ever win an argument with William Fish.” What did he mean by that? Fish is a stubborn man who thinks that only his opinion can be right. To him, there are only his facts and they are never in doubt. No one can ever pierce his certitude. Certainty of that type should be added to the list of the seven deadly sins.

I must digress: here’s the list:

Seven Deadly Sins:

Lust
Envy
Sloth (Laziness)
Pride
Wrath (Anger)
Greed
Gluttony

I admit to each of them… But I’m working on them.

The greatest threat to civility—and ultimately to civilization—is an excess of certitude. The greatest threat to civility—and ultimately to civilization—is an excess of certitude.

Certitude
“One of the most constant characteristics of men of beliefs is their intolerance. The stronger the belief, the greater its intolerance. Men (or women) dominated by a certitude cannot tolerate those who do not accept it.”

Gustave Le Bon

End of digression.

I think that this is what you are dealing with. I don’t know how you will emerge but I have confidence in you. No matter what May thinks I know you to be fair, just, and most important, objective.

Keep bouncing with the blows, and keep your eye on the ball. You don’t have to justify your life to May. Likewise, you don’t have to answer every contention that she makes.

And, dear son, for that matter May doesn’t have to justify her life to you either. You’ve chosen new paths. Take them. Explore them. Don’t look back.

In the end, it’s all about three things: Carli, Carli, and Carli. (And by the way, how does Brenda fit into all of this? You have to excuse her if she is siding with her mother—its only to be expected—and you have to know how hard it must be for her to have lost two Dads. And mark this, Son, you were (are?) her Dad too. It was you who brought her up…I think that time will cure any rift that might have grown between you two.)

The human capacity for self-delusion is limitless. Everyone has seen people who claim to be right and who do evil things in its name. No one is immune from this phenomenon. Understand that whether justified or not, May is hurt and is rationalizing some of her actions by her misperceptions of what she thinks occurred during the time you were together. She’s pathetically striking out blindly. She’s wounded. And the longer she persists, the deeper into her pain she will get. She won’t let the wound heal. She keeps picking at the scab.

Her repeated acts of anger only engender more anger. Her conscience has clouded and her judgment corrupted.

She's trapped. She can't allow herself to let go. She can't move on to better things. Feel sorry for her, my son, —and move on.

Love,


Dad

BusterStronghart@Gmail.com

Hope

It's human nature to be optimistic. It's human nature to hope. Furthermore, hope is a component of a healthy state of mind. Hope is the opposite of negativity. Negativity in life can lead to anger, disappointment and depression. After all, if the world is a negative place, what's the point of living in it? To be negative is to be anti-life.

Ironically, it doesn't work that way in the stock market. In the stock market hope is a hindrance, not a help. Once you take a position in a stock, you obviously want that stock to advance. But if the stock that you bought is a real value, and you bought it right -- you should be content to sit with that stock in the knowledge that over time its value will out without your help, without your hoping.

So in the case of this stock, you have value on your side -- and all you need is patience. In the end, your patience will pay off with a higher price for your stock. Hope shouldn't play any part in this process. You don't need hope, because you bought the stock when it was a great value, and you bought it at the right time.

Any time you find yourself hoping in this business, the odds are that you are on the wrong path -- or that you did something stupid that should be corrected.

unfortunately hope is a money-loser in the investment business. This is counter-intuitive but true. Hope will keep you riding a stock that is headed down. Hope will keep you from taking a small loss and instead, allowing that small loss to develop into a large loss.

In the stock market hope get in the way of reality, hope gets in the way of common sense. One of the first rules in investing is "Don't take the big loss." In order to do that, you've got to be willing to take a small loss.

If the stock market turns bearish, and you're staying put with your whole position. and you're HOPING that what you see is not really happening. And then welcome to poverty city. In this situation, all your hoping isn't going to save you or make you a penny. In fact, in this situation hoping is the devil that bids you to sit -- while your portfolio of stocks goes down the drain.

In the investing business my suggestion is that you avoid hope. Forget the siren, hope -- instead embrace cold, clear reality. RR

BusterStronghart@Gmail.com

Certitude

The greatest threat to civility—and ultimately to civilization—is an excess of certitude. The world is much menaced just now by people who think that the world and their duties in it are clear and simple. They are certain that they know what – who - created the universe and what this creator wants them to do to make our little speck in the Universe perfect, even if extreme measures – even violence -- are required.

America is currently awash in an unpleasant surplus of clanging, clashing of certitudes. That is why there is a rhetorical bitterness absurdly disproportionate to our real differences. It has been well said that the spirit of liberty is the spirit of not being too sure that you are right. One way to immunize ourselves against misplaced certitude is to contemplate -- even to savor – the unfathomable strangeness of everything, including ourselves.

George F. Will (2005)

From the frontispiece of Catherine Crier’s book, “Contempt – How the Right is Wronging American Justice."

BusterStronghart@Gmail.com

Certitude

One of the most constant characteristics of beliefs is their intolerance. The stronger the belief, the greater its intolerance. Men dominated by a certitude cannot tolerate those who do not accept it.

Gustave Le Bon

Michael 2005 - Getting Ready 

BusterStronghart@Gmail.com

Howard G.


This is what his March 2005 diagnosis was: glioblastoma (GBM IV), the deadliest form of brain cancer. So, from March until yesterday, he saw no one except his wife and one visit each from his children and his sister. He knew that he wasn't himself and believed that if people saw him in his condition they would remember him as sick rather than the "real" Howard.

He knew that he had outbursts of temper. At other times he would say inappropriate things. He couldn't keep track of the conversation.

His wife followed his total reclusion directive and stayed with him every moment. No one was to see him in his condition. Even Maria and Leah, her only Florida friends, were asked to meet her in the lobby of her apartment house where they would have tea and cookies -- and then only if Howard was sleeping. Sometimes they would come and Carole wouldn't come down. Carole stopped all activities. She wouldn't even go to support groups because they would take her from Howard's side. He made her promise never to leave him with anyone else until he died. She promised.

Howard had been an executive of Lillian Vernon, and Fingerhut, and of Bloomingdales. He was President and CEO of Orbachs. He started out as a trainee at A&S after college. He went to Bronx High School of Science. He was very sharp and self-confident. He knew how to take charge.

After his retirement he and Carole traveled from May until September, and he "managed? (owned?") a Fantasy Football Team. He attended conventions where the players were drafted for his teams. During the course of his illness I sent him an article from the Financial Times about Fantasy Football. His wife told me he couldn't follow it.

He liked good wine and spent too much money on it. He smoked very big cigars. He generously shared both, He and Carole liked to gamble in Las Vegas. He shared his money with Las Vegas. He laughed a lot.

He was a volunteer tutor for the Broward School system and spoke with enthusiasm about his joy at his student's progress.

He was easy to be with.

mek

BusterStronghart@Gmail.com

On the Other Hand

Dear Friend X,

You have asked about the correct split between stocks and bonds for people in the late sixties.

I have never had bonds except after I sold my house when I owned some muni's for about a year. As usual I did the wrong thing by selling them instead of continuing to take the 4.5 or 5% nontaxable payment that came through the munifund I was invested in. I sold out of fear of higher interest rates depressing the price of fund. The operators of the fund were much smarter than me and kept it short and as far as I can tell have maintained the price of the fund.

A broker with whom I speak on the beach says at our age 25% bonds 75% stocks --

But I am uncomfortable with that many bonds --

except: Having bonds when stocks fall and bonds rise (assuming that the laws of conventional market theory continue to prevail) gives you access to cash with which to purchase the now lower priced stocks. (by selling the now higher priced bonds).

You buy Indexes because your assumption is that the market will rise in the long run. The exception I noted above makes the same assumption, as stocks are purchased at prices that someone determines to be temporarily low prices in the expectation that in the long run their prices will rise.

But you are not engaged in timing the market (smart boy!) and so this strategy does not apply to you.

I think that the standard for our age used to be 40% bonds, but that was the standard when people lived for a shorter time.

It is probably time to sell gold as I have started to purchase it again. You know that I sold it just before its recent rise. As long as I have played with gold I have never made significant money.

Wouldn't it be great if I had only one hand?

mek

BusterStronghart@Gmail.com

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend.

You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds that you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

It's never as good as it is -- it's never as bad as it seems.

BusterStronghart@Gmail.com

A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own part in a quarrel.

Robert Frost.

I would have agreed in full with Frost twenty years ago; but during the last ten years I have found liberals (like the members of the Horowitz forum) to be as bound to their own opinions as conservatives. I had thought of "liberal" as meaning open minded, willing to see the other side; but nowadays there are only two sides and usually the sides are determined not by the facts but by political party.

Although I make no case for the delayed reaction to Katrina on the part of the Bush administration, I note that local officials seemed to have escaped the attention and opprobrium of most liberals. I think that when the after action report is written we will find that various interfaces between the Feds and state and local government didn't work or didn't exist. That may be the real friction point.

FEMA has never had a good reputation, it seems that it is always slow to get off the ground--perhaps because it is a part time organization; having to suddenly mass thousands of employees at different emergency locations when ever an incident occurs.

I also note that Haley Barbour, Republican governor of Mississippi, had few complaints about the Federal response after hearing a local Louisiana official break down into tears on Meet the Press. A very composed, should I say "cold" Barbour saw the the Katrina response through the eyes of a man who believes in the Republican dictum "the less government the better." He explained (bragged?) that his local officials were right on the job. This is a case of a carpenter who believes that a nail is the solution to every problem. Government should be local. Most likely Barbour thought that he was proving that his local governments actually handled the Katrina successfully; while in contrast, the Democrats across the state line failed miserably.





On 9/5/05, Joel Horowitz <jhorowitz@knology.net> wrote:
Could this be a partial explanation for why liberal Democrats have had a difficult time winning elections? Joel

BusterStronghart@Gmail.com

A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own part in a quarrel.

Robert Frost.

BusterStronghart@Gmail.com

The average car is driven 15,000 miles per year.

If you are lucky enough, or smart enough to have purchased a Prius your annual cost of gasoline at $2.79 per gallon will be $951.00 in the next 12 months --assuming an average cost of $2.79 and 44 miles per gallon.

Of course, I was neither smart enough nor lucky enough to have purchased a Prius. I am driving an Avalon. My Avalon gets about 25 miles per gallon. My annual cost will be $1395.00.

Now, my plumber drives a Ford Expedition and his wife drives a Hummer. Each car gets 10 miles per gallon. Their gasoline (premium at $3.09) expense is going to exceed $4635.00 each. A total of $9,270.00!

BusterStronghart@Gmail.com

Death of old age is a rare, singular, and extraordinary death, and hence less natural than the others; it is the last and ultimate sort of death; the farther it is from us, the less it is to be hoped for.Michel de Montaigne --Of Age